Alfredo Lim - for being half-Filipino, half-Chinese
Lito Osmena - for being half Filipino half American
Imelda Marcos - for being half Filipina half Swiss (bank?)
Miriam Santiago - for being half Filipina half spray net
Jose De Venecia - for being half Filipino half rodent (they say he is somehow related to Mickey Mouse)
Joseph Estrada - for being half Filipino half alcohol
Manoling Morato - for being half Filipino half Filipina (bakla!)

Erap: Hello, doc. My wife is in labor!
Doc: Is she in a lot of pain?
Erap: Yes, doc!
Doc: Is this the first baby?
Erap: No, doc. This is Erap!

Erap: Because it says here on top "Tear here"

The time comes for the execution and FVR is brought first in front of the firing squad.
As the blindfold is being tied around his head,
he decides that he will attempt his escape
by diverting the attention of his executioners at the final moment, and then running away.

The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdown:
"10, 9, 8..." Just before the officer reaches "1",
FVR shouts "FLOOD!".
Startled, all of the gunmen look up from their rifles and turn around searching for the onrush of water.
In all of this confusion, FVR manages to take off hisblindfold and run away.
By the time the executioners were aware of what happened,
FVR has made his way deep into the woods.

Cory was called on next to appear before the executioners.
Seeing FVR's success she decides to attempt a similar escape.
She knows, though that her executioners will not fall for the "flood" trick again.
Instead, she decided to use another natural disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdowm:
"10, 9 , 8..." Just before the oficer reaches "1",
Cory shouts "TORNADO!!!" Startled, the gunmen look up from their rifles
and turn around searching for the onrush of the wind.
In all of the confusion, Cory manges to take off her blindfold and run away.
By the time the executioners are aware of what happenned,
Cory has made her way deep into the woods.

Erap is called on next to appear before the squad.
Seeing his predecessor's successes,
Erap decides to attempt a similar escape. He
know though that his executioners will not fall for the "flood" or the"hurricane" tricks again.
Instead, he decided to use another natural disaster.
The officer in charge of the executions starts his countdowm:
"10, 9, 8..." Just before the officer reaches "1", Erap shouts, " FI RE!!!!!!!!!".

The next day, the couple are in Quezon City Hall.
There they find Erap filling up the very same type of form.
The puzzled couple go to Erap and ask him
"Mr. Vice-president, yesterday we saw you at the Baguio City Hall
filling up the same certificate, but today you are here. Why?"

Erap says, "I came here because on the certificate it said "WRITE IN CAPITAL."

"What's the problem?" asked the doctor.

"I'm 2,400 kilometers from home."

FPJ asks, "Daddy, what happens if the bombs blow up now?"

Erap says, smiling, "Don't worry. I have a spare bomb in the back seat."

"O, anak," Erap drawled, "what's in the bag?"

"Chickens," was the reply.

"If I guess correctly how many, can I have one?"

"You can have both of them."

"OK," Erap says, "You have Five."

Erap replies: "Polk Street in San Juan."

"No, "the lady explains, "I mean, how should we call you?"

"Call me? Same phone number in San Juan," is Erap's answer.

Erap replies: "Good. We have time to plan our moves. It's only 4:25 by my watch."

He trains his flashlight on a figure and shouts, "Freeze!."

As the figure stops dead in his tracks,
Erap's assistant whispers to him:
"Sir, that person is head of our advance party."

Hearing this, Erap turns to the person and shouts: "Okay, defrost!"

Erap quickly filled in the space for name, address, and date of birth,
but hesitated upon seing the heading "Sex".

He saw what Ramos had placed under "Sex--the letter "M".

He looked at Miriam and saw she had written "F".

Then Erap wrote under Sex: "M-W-F."

"Finally, here comes the late Senator de la Cruz."

"No thank you. I'm fed up already."

Erap is thinking of what to order.

The man to his left ask for "Coffee and Danish."

The man to his right, "Coffee and English."

Erap, with confidence and pride: "Coffee and Filipino!"

A vegetarian, the man seated next to Erap politely replies,
"Thank you, but I'm afraid not."

Erap tells the hostess. I'll try it. I'm not afraid."

He notices a sign which says, "JFK 10 MILES."
Erap tells the driver to go faster or they'll miss his flight.

Then he sees another sign saying "JFK 5 MILES."

Finally, when he sees a third sign saying "JFK 500 METERS,"

he panics and shouts at the driver: You must have made a wrong turn.
Why are we now 500 meters aways when were just 5 miles away only a few minutes ago?"

Erap gets really mad when he sees the next sign: "JFK LEFT."

"See?" he scolds his driver. "We're so late even the airport left already."

Embarassed, Erap tells his lady companion, "Sorry, slip of the tongue."

They stopped by this really classy restaurant to have dinner.

He and his bodyguards ordered all kinds of foods and had a feast.

After dinner, Erap asked for the bill.

The waiter presented him the bill and Erap gasped! He asked,
"How come this meal is so expensive?!"

The waiter replied, "Kasi sir, you're paying for the ambience."
Erap said, "Oh, I see."

So he quietly took out his wallet and paid for the bill.

After they left the restaurant,
Erap lashed out at his bodyguards saying,
"Sino ba sa inyo and nag-order ng ambience, ha?!"

Anyway, the waiter presented the menus
so they can look it over and decide which entree they wished to have.

The waiter came back later and began to take their orders.

When he got to Erap, Erap said,
"Ok, I think I'll get the Fish Filet (which he pronounced "pish pilit").

The waiter was snickering at Erap's goof-up
so he asked the waiter what was so funny.

The waiter said, "Oh sir, the correct pronounciation is 'fi-ley'."

Erap said, "Oh I see. Sorry, I'll have the pish pi-ley then."

The waiter presented the bill to Erap and
he dug through his pockets to retrieve his wallet.

He realized he left his wallet in the car! So he told the waiter,
"Can you hold for a second, I think I left my wa-ley in the car!"

One of Erap's dinner guests asked Erap,

"What's the difference between a potatoe and a mashed potatoe?"

Erap pointed to the skin on his wrist,

" Ito, puti 'to." He then pointed to his white shirt and said,

" Ito, mas puti 'to."

After work nag-lilibre kung mahusay ang takbo ng araw.

Boss Erap: Okay boys!! We had a good day today,
so lets celebrate !

Da boys: Talaga naman palang okey si boss.

Nagpunta Sila sa isang mamahaling Diskohan sa makati.. wow!!

Pagdating nila sa disco, hindi na sila pumila dahil kasama si boss Erap.

Boss Erap: Wait boys!! Sandali.. Hindi pwede

Biglang pahinto si Erap

Da boyz: eh bakit boss.. huwats wrong (pabulong ng isa kay boss erap)

Boss Erap: eh sabi ng Karatula "21 and above".

Da boyz: bakit boss!!

Erap: Sasampu lang tayo eh..

At&t: Just a minute, sir...

erap: Thank You, operator

Q: Why did Erap stare at a can of frozen orange juice?
A: Because it said CONCENTRATE on the can.

Q: How can you tell when Erap sends you a fax?
A: It has a postage stamp on it.

Q: Why can't Erap dial 911?
A: He can't find the number eleven on the phone.

Q: How can you tell if Erap has been using your computer?
A: There are correction fluid marks all over the monitor.

Q: Why is it good to have Erap as a passenger in your car?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why did Erap tiptoe past the medicine cabinet
A: He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills

Q: If Erap and Cory are tossed off a building, who hits the ground first?
A: Cory...Erap has to stop to ask for directions.....